To Tweed or Not To Tweed …… Two Days To Go

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The last 24 hours have been slightly below disappointing …. Ok, maybe marginally below slightly below disappointing. I blame the state of the economy in Europe, it’s simple, when things are going bad what do these countries do, they de-value their currency, things went bad for the Million Pound punt yesterday, so they devalued it ….by 90% !!!

Losing one of the Famous Five to injury before the festival was not the only bad thing to happen yesterday, oh no, something nearly as bad happened. I filled up my car with £75 of fuel at the local supermarket, presented the happy, smiley Mo (obviously not a Million Pound Punt disciple …. He was smiling !) behind the counter with my fuel card …. Only for it to be declined ! Excuse me Mo, but this is not possible, have another go … Still declined, oh for f*ck sake, really? Are you sure ?  Yep, Mo was sure, still happy and smiling he gave me proof, in fact he gave me two lots of proof, receipts that were happy and smiley too, that said ‘Card Declined’ ! B*llocks …. In fact, f*cking B*llocks ….. So I had to dip deeply into my pocket and pull out another bit of plastic that wouldn’t be declined and that Mo could say, with a Happy Smile, that is fine, your payment has been accepted. This digging deep for another bit of plastic has taken £75 out of next weeks  ‘war chest’, and I am deeply upset about this. Now it’s not definite that this £75 would have been used for an all out assault on the nice bookie chaps at any point, however there is every likelihood that this £75 would have been used to purchase a fine bottle of celebratory champagne from the ‘Swingers Hotel’, which has now become an accustomed ‘apre race’ stop off point on the walk back into Cheltenham from the race course. I use the term ‘Swingers Hotel’ however I have nothing to back this up … apart from the fact that our ‘rowdy racing rabble’ do look slightly out of place in the salubrious surroundings (none of us are swingers … or at least I don’t think any of us are !) so we like to give it this rather fruity nickname. The American manager is always very accommodating, if not slightly wary of us when we pile in to his bar, win, lose or draw, we always order champagne. For the record, we questioned the American manager about his prices for a room last year… £380 per night during the festival, however that does come with breakfast which includes nice juicy locally sourced sausage !!! ….. I bet it does you mucky yank !!!

So, onto the serious stuff for next week …. With this horrendous weather, what outfit is one going to wear. The festival is a funny place when it comes to fashion…and often for all the wrong reasons. Royal Ascot it isn’t (although you will still get a handful of Orange looking things, with goose pimples wearing reasonably expensive looking frocks and high heels…. Why some blokes find the urge to dress like that I’ll never know  !!). You do get a mix of race goers from all backgrounds in society however the outfit of choice for many at the festival is a nice bit of Tweed. When I say a bit, I mean anything from a simple jacket, to the full kit and caboodle, trousers (or skirt), waistcoat, jackets, the whole lot. Now far be it for me to criticize the fine tailoring of the country set, some of them can pull it off, however for a simple city boy like me, in my eyes some of them look complete plonkers ! I get Tweed, it can look very smart on some people, both male & female. Some of the old boys in the tweed jackets look the part, those born with the proverbial silver spoon in their chops can also look rather suave and debonair when adorned in the finest country greens….those born within a mile of the local young offenders centre whose second job is a part time joy rider in a stolen Capri Ghia however, should never wear tweed. Those with less than a six figure sum safely stashed in their savings accounts should never wear tweed. Those who usually shop at T K Maxx should never wear tweed.

I get the impression there is a hierarchy amongst tweed wearers….those at the top of the tree are the ones who were born in a tweed baby grow, who wore the finest tweed through school, who have a wardrobe full of the finest tweed robes for every occasion. Those at the bottom of the hierarchy are the ones who’s purchases were made on ebay or from the aforementioned T K Maxx …. Bargain Tweed is not good !!!!!!

I will be attending my first festival whilst in possession of some said tweed. And what mighty fine tweed it is too … proper real tweed, no ebay crap, no T K Maxx sh*t, this is the real deal, this is Harris Tweed. I will carry my tweed with pride in the knowledge that it’s one of the best tweed’s you can get. One thing that won’t happen to me though is any p*ss taking from fellow race goers that this city boy is prancing around in tweed. I’m not daft enough to think that I’m sophisticated enough to pull of the tweed look however when it’s minus whatever on Tuesday at the festival as the weather forecast predicts, I’ll be happy in the knowledge that in my pocket is my Christmas present from my dearly beloved ….. now everybody looks good with a Harris Tweed Hip Flask full of lovely warming Malt Whisky !!!!!!!!!!!

I’m sitting waiting for more bad news about the remaining ‘Fabulous Four’ in my Million Pound Punt – with 90% discount. With the weather still very poor, I have a strong feeling that the next selection to defect from the potential fortune winning punt could well be Get Me Out Of Here. As I mentioned last week, this animal is desperate for good ground, and with all the rain, the ground is going to be testing at best. There are no rumours, nothing to suggest at the moment that Get Me Out Of Here won’t run…I’ve just got one of those hunches that he might not run…let’s hope I’m wrong.

With only two days to go, the final touches are being put to the last selections and tomorrow I’ll put a full list of everything that I’ve either selected or backed so far …. So you can all then avoid them like the plague !!!

Thanks for reading again …. The first day is nearly here.

 

Twitter – @grahameletts

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The Million Pound Punt …….. The 90% Discount Version !!! (Sat Post No.2)

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Two Posts In One Day Can Only Mean Bad News ……..

Oh well, you can’t win them all …… and so is the case before we even get to the Festival with the Million Pound Punt. Unfortunately one of the selections, Empiracle, has picked up a slight injury this morning whilst working out and has now been withdrawn from his intended race on Wednesday.

Sadly these things happen in the horsey world, and although it means that for now the seven figure return is out of reach, at least the horse isn’t too seriously injured and he’ll live to race another day ….. and we’re still here to relieve those nice bookie chaps of some of their riches. There are still another four selections due to run next week, and the returns if the miracle does happen and they all win will be well worth it (I’ve not worked it out yet …. Decided not to either as I’ve always thought it was bad luck to work out your winnings before the horse or horses have run … that’s probably why Empiracle isn’t running !)

Anyway, if you took my advice this morning and went and bought your mother that ‘Special Gift’ for Mothers day tomorrow, may I suggest you take a trip to the local garage for the last bunch of flowers they have left, or even get here some Japanese Rice Crackers from the Pound shop or a 4998 Piece jigsaw from the Charity shop, cos even the most loving mother wouldn’t appreciate a betting slip containing a horse on who is currently sitting in casualty !

 

This is only a minor setback …. It just means I’ll have to work a bit harder to find a few more winners next week, but don’t lose heart, for the moment we still have the ‘Famous Four’ to look forward too !

 

Thanks, and make sure you come back to check out the next entry to the blog tomorrow.

 

Twitter – @grahameletts

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The Mothers Day Conundrum …….. Three Days To Go !!!

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Short and Sweet Today …. I’ve got to go shopping !!!!

I wish they wouldn’t  mess around with dates, because for us blokes who are not very organized it’s a nightmare. What I know is Christmas Day is December 25th, My Birthday is always the same date each year (I’ve not put the actual date just on the off chance that Prince Magumbo from Nigeria might be reading this and gets hold of it then either assumes my identity or floods me with emails trying to trick me out of my millions after the festival !!). Valentines Day is on Feb 14th (and is a con !), My wedding anniversary is on erm errrmmm errrrrrrrmmmmmm … only kidding, July 31st. So why can’t Mothers day be on the same day each year ? I’ve just got used to the fact that the Sunday after Cheltenham is Mothers day, and what have they done this year….only gone and changed it to the Sunday before ….. Why ???

It makes it so much easier when it’s the Sunday after, for the simple fact that I can always buy my dear mother a proper sh*t present. How do I get away with this ?, well the excuse that I gambled and drank all my money the previous week is perfect …here you go mum have a bunch of Texaco Flowers, they’ll last at least until Monday !!! The problem when it falls before Cheltenham is that the ‘War Chest’ is still full and I’ll actually have some money to buy something half decent. Problem number Two – My mum is well into her 60’s, she’s got pretty much everything, in fact she has at least two of everything. She has a birthday like the rest of us, She celebrates Christmas like the rest of us and then we have Mothers Day too ….. How the f*ck am I supposed to come up with something nice and original Three times a year, let alone just on Mothers Day. So I have a real conundrum today, what do you get the mother who has everything ? I don’t want to be trawling the good shops of Leicester all day (I have racing to watch) in the hope I might spot something that she just might not have and that I think she might want…I do that every December (Christmas) and every May (Birthday) …. So can you see my nightmare ahead ? 

HELP !!!!!!!!

So I better get my backside into gear and get out searching for that elusive gift for my dear mother that will remind her just what a wonderful son I am (it’s gonna have to be good to convince her of that !!!)

Weather Update

 Raining …. Still very worried …. And it’s still going to be cold too next week !

 

Famous Five Update

The Million Pound Punt Horses have the bookies running scared …. Fact !!!!!!!!!!!!                               Yesterday saw the bookies shorten up the price of three of the Famous Five. Fruity O’ Rooney is now into a general 10/1 after support during the day. Binocular is now into around 8/1 as rumours were abound that his stable mate and leading fancy Grandouet was a doubt for the race. These were quickly knocked back by his trainer Nicky Henderson, however it meant the bookie chaps shortened most of the other horse in the race, including Binocular. Most surprisingly of all, Get Me Out Of Here is as low as 7/1 with some bookies, but is generally 8/1 after support yesterday too …. This is the one I can’t work out. He is crying out for good, dry ground, however it’s p*ssing it down and the going is likely to be soft. That said, maybe everyone else is realizing that this could just be the dark horse in the race …. Or it could be the Million Pound Punt ‘Disciples’ shoveling on so much money that the bookies are in a blind panic (I feel it may not be the latter !)

As I’ve written this, I’ve had a bolt inspiration about what to buy my mother, something I’ve never bought her before. In fact, this is something that if you love your mother then you should all go out and get her today, it’s perfect … Read on ….

We keep on hearing about how our High Streets are in decline. Once busy, bustling shopping areas are now almost like ghost towns. Shops are closing down and being replaced by either Pound Shops, Charity Shops or Bookies …. So what, I hear you say … Well this is perfect !! …Read on ….

Now I’m sure nobody reading this will be rushing to a Pound Shop to buy your mother the perfect gift as I’m certain she’d be slightly disappointed with a discounted £1 bottle of Cilit Bang or a £1 Packet of Japanese Rice Crackers (do they sell these in Pound Shops … I wouldn’t know as I tend not to frequent such establishments !). I’m sure she’d also be a little annoyed with a second hand 5000 Piece Jigsaw of some famous Constable Painting, which actually only contains 4998 Pieces from the Charity Shop … that is no way to show your mother just how much you love her. So what is the gift that all mothers should have this Mothers day …. Read on …..

Shop number three on the declining High street is the bookies …. You know what’s coming don’t you !      All you have to do, is enter the fine bookie chaps establishment, pick up a blank betting slip, write the following names on the said betting slip – My Tent or Yours, Fruity O’Rooney, Binocular, Empiracle & Get Me Out Of Here, put however much you had allocated for Mothers fine gift down as your stake money and hand it over to the nice person behind the counter (not the leather faced old bag who’ll rob you blind !) ….. Bingo, you now have the perfect gift to give to your mother on this fine celebration of her efforts in bringing you up for all these years, and you don’t need to buy any wrapping paper for it either … What a result !

Your Mother will love you forever after next week (technically she should love you forever now but giving her a fortune on a betting slip will only add to this eternal adoration !!!!)

There you go, sorted …. So I’m off to the local William Hills to purchase the gift of all gifts from the son who just keeps on giving.

 

Many Thanks for reading again …. The big day is getting closer and closer so please keep on coming back for the updates, and as always feel free to leave a comment or share this with your nearest and dearest (not the mother though – she’ll know where the inspiration for your wonderful gift came from !)

 

Twitter @grahameletts

 

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What Will A Million Buy ? ……… Four Days To Go !

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It’s great when you can fantasize about what the fruits of your punting labour are going to buy. I’m sure those of us who are deluded enough to dream about winning the lottery have done the same, however it makes it all the more sweeter when you’ve put in the hours of hard study, the late nights (or should that say sleepless nights !), the endless reading of form etc all comes to fruition. So I’ve been mentally spending my million before the first selections hooves has even got near to setting foot at this years festival.

It would appear though, that I’ve got a little bit of a problem as the list below will show

Post Cheltenham Shopping List

Villa In Greece – £250,000

Apartment In New York – £750,000

A Couple of Nice Shiny Cars (I’m not that ‘up’ on cars but it’s got to have 4 wheels at least !) £100,000

1 x Racehorse (that’s racehorse, not carthorse !) – £100,000

Wine …. And lots of it – £100,000

Cash for family and friends …… £50

SH*T …….. I’ve done this all wrong, I’m not going to have enough to be able to buy everything I want and still have some change left to live on …. How have I not spotted this before !!!

It’s amazing to think that when I first set foot in a bookies, had I won a million then it would have been more than enough to retire on and never have to work again (being 14, I could have given up my paper round !) What would I have done with all that money if I’d have been the luckiest 14 year old in the world and landed a million with my first bet (10p ew on Soybean wouldn’t have returned a million by the way !). I could have bought loads of Wham Bars … I used to love Wham Bars …. I could have bought a lifetime supply of Marathons …. I used to love Marathons (Snickers for the young ‘uns reading this !) …. Wow, I’ve just realized, I could have mended the gears on my Puch Pathfinder that was my trusty steed for my morning paper round. The gears were knackered so I had to peddle everywhere in 12th gear …. At the age of 14, I was a skinny kid but because of the faulty gears on my bike, I had legs like Fatima Whitbread (tanned, big muscles and hairy !)

Hold on, why am I looking back at IF I’d have won a million when I was 14 ….. I could have backed every winner on a Saturday and the thieving b*stards who worked behind the counter would have probably paid me out a fiver instead of my seven figure sum (see very first post for that to make sense !)….It would have been the leather faced old bag who would have been sipping Chilled Babycham in Benidorm on the proceeds of my bet, not me sipping Tizer whilst relaxing on a Sun Lounger in Skeggy (at 14, Skeggy was the ‘teenagers Benidorm’) !

Time to look forward, so if I’ve under-estimated how much I need to be able to buy everything on my wish list, what am I going to do ? Do I revisit the bookies and invest some more ? Do I continue to burn the midnight oil and study, study, study over the next four days in the hope I can come up with some more little gems to invest in ? …… No, I need to be content with what I’ve got. Greed is not a good thing, you get too greedy, you end up losing it all and at the end of the day, when (not IF !?!?!?) I’ll have even more to punt with next year….I can see it now, next years blog title will be Grahames BILLION POUND PUNT !!! No, I’m happy with my lot so far for this year, the bets are on, I’ve got some real value in the prices I’ve backed the horses at, so there’s just no need to be greedy. Instead, I’m going to have to cut down on the lavish things on my list for at least 12 months. So I’m really sorry, but to all my Family & Friends, you’ll have to wait until 2014 for your £50 !!!!!

The weather watch continues ….. What the f*ck is going on ? ….. The forecast just gets worse by the minute. Rain, more rain, snow, more snow, freezing temperatures, more freezing temperatures….Er, any chance of a bit of sunshine please ?!?!?! It doesn’t look great, and in conversation with one of my very good and trusted racing colleagues this morning, we’ve agreed that we have another excuse in the bag for our festival selections poor running…we though the weather was going to be more Antigua than Antarctic when we were picking our horses…forget us race goers needing new hats, gloves and scarfs, better get ordering the poor horses a new winter wardrobe !

The betting markets seem to have settled down a little now, I’ll be honest, there isn’t a massive amount of value available anymore. My ‘Famous Five’ are still around the same prices they were yesterday, however one bet that I’d advise everybody to have is one of the special offers that is available from Corals at the moment. It actually went live yesterday, and is still available today but I’m not sure for how much longer. You can back the best jumps horse in training (apart from the ‘Famous Five’ of course) at Evens if you have an online account with Corals. For those who aren’t racing regulars, the horse is called Sprinter Sacre and he runs in the Champion Chase next Wednesday. The current odds for Sprinter Sacre is around 1 / 4 (this means you put  £20 on, you get £25 back … a £5 Profit) however if you take up Corals offer, you put £20 on, You get £40 back …. This is massive value so I’d advise anyone who can to get on ! If you open a new account with Corals and place the maximum they’ll allow you to (£20) you’ll then also get a free £20 bet after next Wednesdays race too …. It’s not often the bookies give you something for next to nothing, so I’d say take advantage whilst you can ! (Again, if Sprinter Sacre loses, it’s the horse fault, not mine !!!!!) – www.coral.co.uk  is the website.

That’s your lot ….. As always, Thanks for reading …. Spread the word as there are only 4 days to go until the action kicks off. Please keep coming back to check the updates and feel free to leave any positive (or abusive) comments.

 

Twitter – @grahameletts

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The REAL Famous Five ….. Five Days To Go !

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Julian, George, Dick, Anne & Timmy …… The original Famous Five in Enid Blyton’s kids books from the 1940’s & 50’s. What a bunch of little adventurers they were…..Just looking at some of the book titles gives you an idea of what fun the ‘little rascals’ got up to. For example, Five Run Away Together …. Wonderful, I wonder what happens there, and to be honest, probably not the best book for any stroppy, mardy arsed 12 year old to read nowadays as just reading the title might give them ideas ! Other titles such as Five Go Off In A Caravan (I prefer Tents !) … Five Go Off To Camp (oooohhhh, that’s more like it … My Tent or Yours ???) ….. Five get Into Trouble (Really ?? What were they doing ?? Mugging Old Ladies ? Importing Pure Colombian Marching Powder ? Hacking Pentagon Computers ?) …. Five Go To Smugglers Top (That proves it was Drug Smuggling !) …. Five Have A Wonderful Time (oh please …. Use some f*cking imagination Enid !!!!) …. And the list goes on and on and on.

Well Enid, I’ve got news for you (If you’re reading this literary masterpiece from the retirement home in the sky !) …. Come next week there’s another Famous Five who are coming to take the place of Julian, George, Dick, Anne & Timmy. Move over kids ‘cos Tenty, Fruity, Binny, Empy (struggling now !) & Getty (really struggling now !) are the NEW FAMOUS FIVE !

In  a seven days time it’ll be D-Day …. Four of the new famous five would have already run in the MILLION POUND PUNT and it’ll all be resting on the broad shoulders of Get Me Out Of Here to bring home the bacon (100% Pork – No Horse Meat Included … that’s reference No.2 since the blog started !). IF and it’s a very, very, very BIG IF, the first four mighty animals have won, then I will be up nice and early, hand feeding Get Me Out Of Here the finest smoked salmon for breakfast, then I will take him for a little leg stretch, then I’ll tuck him up for a little snooze, then it’ll be time for a ‘horsey massage’ just to make sure the muscles are all toned and ready for the battle ahead, I’ll personally hire a posse of SAS trained bodyguards to protect the beautiful equine specimen from the stables to the parade ring (applications will be invited anytime after 5.20pm on Wednesday if the first four have won), I will walk him to the start whilst constantly telling ‘Getty’ how wonderful he is and that he is just about to become a hero all over the world…and then it’s all up to the wonder horse to do the rest. 3 Miles, cantering around, jumping the hurdles with fluent ease, to win the World Hurdle on the bridle. Ok, I realise, I’m now showing signs that I’ve become just a tad deluded, however you’ve got to believe….haven’t you ?

So, on to the latest ‘Bill Giles’ Weather Report ….. Yesterday it rained a bit, today it’s going to rain more, tomorrow it’ll rain a bit more, Saturday & Sunday will see more rain … and Monday, well on Monday we turn into the f*cking Arctic !!! Are you having a laugh, the temperature on Monday night is forecast to drop down to -5….MINUS FIVE….It’s the middle of March, I refuse to do temperatures of -5 at The Festival, it’s horse racing, not bloody penguin plodding ! So I suggest to the man upstairs that he has a little re-think thank you very much, Try sticking another 20 degrees on top please as sunny and 15 degrees will do nicely, but not -5. I seriously hope this is an incorrect forecast of ‘Bill Giles Hurricane’ proportion as this is not good, although I guess it does mean that the celebratory champagne will be cold without needing a chiller. I’m keeping my eyes firmly fixed on all the weather websites …. But it’s not looking too peachy at the moment !

What are the current betting markets telling me about the Famous Five then …. Well below are the latest odds for each of them –

My Tent Or Yours – 7/4 is best price with Paddy Power but it’s generally 13/8 or 6/4

Fruity O’Rooney – 14/1 with William Hills is the best you’ll get but mostly 12/1 with everyone else

Binocular – 11/1 with Stan James but 10/1 with most of the other bookie chaps

Empiracle – 8/1 generally

Get Me Out of Here – 10/1 with most firms

There has been plenty of support for all five over the last few days …. It’s obviously the weight of money from everyone who’s been reading this blog and ‘lumping on’ ….. I reckon we’ve got the bookies running scared !!!

 

As I’ve said, I’m keeping a very close eye on the weather…This is crucial to any other investments I might have, and if the forecast is right then I’ll just have to make sure the ‘Real Famous Five’ have their hats, gloves and scarves with them next week. Come next Thursday, around 3.30pm, we could well be writing a new book in the Famous Five Serious …… Five Win A Million In The Cotswolds …. I’d buy it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Again, many thanks for reading …. Keep coming back for the daily updates and share it, spread the word, comment and all the other crap you’re supposed to do with these things.

 

Twitter – @grahameletts

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I’m Becoming A Part Time Weatherman …. Six Days And Counting !

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“Earlier on today, apparently, a woman rang the BBC and said she heard there was a hurricane on the way; well, if you’re watching, don’t worry, there isn’t” …. Unlucky Bill, I think you’ll find there was ! Poor old weathermen, they don’t half get some sh*t when they get it wrong, I mean fancy telling everyone on national TV there is no hurricane on the way, only to find 12 hours later the majority of the south east resembles New Orleans after a hen party for (Hurricane) Katrina & The Waves !

Over the past few days, I’ve had one eye in my 2013 Cheltenham Festival Guide going through all the race stats & trends trying to see if I’ve missed anything, half an eye on the latest betting markets checking how the MILIION POUND PUNT selections are fairing under the weight of ‘my disciples’ money, and the other half an eye on the weather forecast. As I mentioned when I ran through my selections, there are at least a couple who really, really don’t want the ground to come up too soft, and too much rain means too soft, too soft and the million pound stays with the bookies, it’s as simple as that. Cheltenham is a strange place, that’s not meant as an insult because Cheltenham is actually a very nice place, however the racecourse has somewhat of a micro-climate. In the shadow of Cleeve Hill, and nestled into the Cotswalds, often the racecourse is sheltered from the extreme weather that the surrounding area in the South West has to endure. Not so this year so far, the loss of one meeting already on New Years Day due to the course resembling a paddy field, and having seen at first hand the state of the ground, grass and lawned area in front of the Grandstand, believe me, that place has taken some water over the last 6 months. So the recent dry weather has been perfect however I’m typing this with crossed fingers as the five weather forecasting websites I’m currently following tell a worrying story. Today, Wednesday for Cheltenham – RAIN, Tomorrow for Cheltenham – RAIN, Friday for Cheltenham – MIST ….. and some RAIN, Saturday for Cheltenham – RAIN, Sunday for Cheltenham – Cloudy, Risk of RAIN ……. B*llocks !!!!!

This is not good, it’s not a disaster, but it’s not great. It’s always good to get your excuses in early, and this is the first one I’m lining up just in case my selections are as successful as Bill Giles weather forecasts !

So in seven days time, what will the situation be. Well, I’d say there is a fair chance there will be one or two headaches in our ‘racing party’ as we rise on morning number two of the festival. Tuesday is usually the day of drinking too much as we think it’s a sprint and then realise it’s more than a marathon. We don’t drink to stupid levels, we’re too old for that and our bodies over time seem to have become resistant to the level of alcohol in 15 pints of Guinness. Depending on the previous days results though, will the drinks have been in celebration or commiseration ? Three runners in the million pound punt run on day one, in fact three in the first four races on day one, so by this time I could either be in a brilliant position dreaming about that seven figure payout, or nursing a severe head due to drowning my sorrows….however whatever position I’m in I know I’ll be looking forward to day two of the festival.

In my head, I’ve imagined the outcome of all the races my selections run in ….. and the great thing is, they all win, every time. I should be employed as a racecourse commentator with some of the commentaries I’ve given as they jump the last hurdle or fence and power up that Cheltenham hill to the winning post. Never have I been more confident about ‘The Famous Five’ … Usually by this time I’ve talked myself into so many reasons why they can’t win, this time (weather apart !) I’m still 100% behind them…..at the moment. So in seven days time, I expect to be sitting pretty, with my first three winners safely in the bag, feeling slightly delicate through over celebrating, standing at the bus-stop waiting to travel the 18 miles from our ‘Racing Hideaway’ into Cheltenham to do battle on day 2.

Another night of studying has also been completed, I’ve got another couple of ‘interesting’ runners in a couple of the handicaps I’m thinking of backing however I’m delaying just for the moment just to see how much it does p*ss it down in the ‘Theatre of Racing Dreams’ before I invest ….. As soon as I make up my mind if I’m going to back them, I’ll let you know (oooohhh, get me, I sound so much like a professional tipster ….. idiot !)

 

Short and sweet today …. Thank f*ck for that I hear you say …. But if you do anything over the next 24 hours, please do the one thing I’ll be doing (I’ll get some funny looks this morning in my credit control meeting !) …. Close Your Eyes, Put Your Hands Together, and pray that it doesn’t rain too much (I’m not that religious, but I explore every option this close to the festival) …. Racings for horses, not for hippos !!!!

 

As always thanks for reading …. Below are some links to some people on twitter that you may find interesting to follow this close to Cheltenham … lots of good advice and comment about the Festival –

@CheltenhamTips

@CheltenhamFNews

@CheltenhamTalk

@PaddockPreview

@CheltenhamNews

@cheltofestival

@horseracingGB

Also check out the following for some even more in depth comment with regular festival updates and some great online web analysis –

@JPFestival

Or go online to www.jpfestival.com/

And of course, feel free to follow me on twitter @grahameletts

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Seven Insomnia Filled Nights To Go …… Too Excited !!!

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There are some stupid sayings that drive me mad, it’s probably something to do with the fact that as I advance in years I’m becoming a grumpy old b*stard. I reckon in another 10 years or so I’ll be that miserable old sod that the school kids love to wind up just so they get chased by some doddery old f*cker with a walking stick (I’d be 51 in Ten Years time … is 51 too young for a walking stick !). However, whichever idiot invented some of these sayings would get a whack with my walking stick (that’s not rude by the way !) if I ever caught up with them. For example, some of the new sayings like Blue Sky Thinking mean  f*ck all……Blue Sky Thinking is just plain and simple Thinking, but just a bit cleverer thinking than someone else, there is bugger all ‘Blue Sky’ about it. Ticks All The Right Boxes is another one …… Stick your boxes up your backside, because without a doubt every time someone says in terms of a horse, ooohhh yes, that one ‘Ticks All The Right Boxes’, the poor nag is doomed. They never win …. So never say it…and especially don’t say it about any of my selections.

The saying that drives me mad more than any other is this stupid ‘Only Seven More Sleeps To Go’ …. Or however many ‘Sleeps’ it is. This is annoying in the run up to Christmas as every sad b*stard out there updates their Facebook or Twitter with soppy sh*t like “Oooooohhh I’m sooooooo excited, only 7 more sleeps ‘til Santa arrives…I just can’t wait” …… F*ck off !!! If you were ‘soooooooooo excited’ you wouldn’t bloody well sleep, so your update should really read “ooooooooooooohhhhh I’m so knackered, I haven’t slept in weeks and I’ve still got another seven insomnia filled nights until fatty beard boy arrives down my chimney” …. Mind you, that wouldn’t squeeze into the 140 characters Twitter allows.

So, how many sleeps to go until Cheltenham …… Well, none, as I’m sooooooooooo knackered, I haven’t slept in weeks and I’ve still got another seven insomnia filled nights until fatty me gets the chance to return to the Cotswalds for the greatest four days of sport on this earth !!!

Yep, for me, I really am like a kid at Christmas, except the excitement tends to start really building about 6 months before the Cheltenham Festival, in October when the jumps racing kicks off properly and you can start forming an opinion on certain horse for the festival. It’s great in October and November because you go to sleep and dream about the festival and you find yourself counting the days down in your head. In December you try and think about the festival in between thinking about what size bird your having for Christmas dinner (!) and whilst trying to avoid kn*b heads updates reminding you how many f*cking sleeps to go. January, you start to really get excited as you tend to move up a gear or two and start investing a few more hard earned pennies…February the insomnia really starts…and then March, well forget it, No Sleep In March, Not A Chance !

Maybe the fact that I’ve got a detailed summary of all my bets blu-tacked to the chest of drawers at the side of my bed for me to look at every night, or maybe it’s because I’ve got the last six months racing post weekenders and various race cards stacked up (not very neatly !) next to the bed, maybe it’s because I’m that excited about the thought of winning a million pounds next week  ! Well, it’s all of these, but really it’s down to one thing and one thing only …. It’s because it’s THE Festival, there’s really no need to call it the Cheltenham Festival…there are other festivals in the racing calendar but this is THE FESTIVAL. Not doctor will prescribe you anything to stop Festivalitis, it can’t be cured, and to be honest, I wouldn’t want it to be. The insomnia, the excitement in the build up, the anticipation are all worth it come the Tuesday of THE FESTIVAL.

So, I’m told that one or two of the people who’ve been unfortunate enough to read all my posts so far have backed the 5 selections I’ve mentioned in the hope that they’ll all come in and we’ll all be millionaires. Well I hope we’re all celebrating together, let’s be realistic, it is very unlikely, but then again if you don’t buy a ticket, you ain’t gonna win any raffle !!! Having scanned down the current odds last night, just a simple £1 accumulator on the five would return around £45,000 … not bad for a quid !!!

A word of warning though, if you’re planning on winning a million too on whatever horses you’re backing you need to watch out for these sneaky Bookie chaps. Some of them will have limits on your winnings, just last week I had a bet with Corals which would land about 300k if they all win, however their limit for payout came up as 200k …. So be careful, and if you need to, do what I’ve done and spread your bets around with different bookies. The cheeky buggers will find any way to not pay you out.

So, how much have I spent of my Cheltenham bets so far …… Well, since last November, the princely sum of £297.20 has been invested. Not a massive amount over such a length of time, and for those smokers of you out there … If you smoke 20 a day, since I struck my very first bet you would have spent about £700 on cigarettes, which has all gone up in smoke and all you’ve got to show for it is a bad cough …. I, on the other hand , am sitting on a potential million pounds ….. Whoever said gambling isn’t good for you !!!!

I’ve had some other bets too besides the ones I’ve mentioned, some good, some bad but I’m quite happy with my lot so far …. If every single horse that I’ve backed (and is running) wins, then my whole return comes to £1,403,380 …. And 4p …. Never forget the pennies !!!

If you’re interested, below is a list of other unfortunate animals that my hard earned has been invested in –

The New One @ 25/1 – Supreme Novices Hurdle – It won’t run in that race so I’ve already lost my money on that …. The pitfalls of backing horses ‘ante post’ I’m afraid … if they don’t run, you lose your money !

Jezki @ 4/1 – Supreme Novices Hurdle – I backed it by mistake but it covers me in case My Tent or Yours doesn’t run / win

Overturn @ 8/1 & 7/1 – Arkle – Only small stakes but is now around 11/4

Cinders & Ashes @ 16/1 – Champion Hurdle – Speculative last November, again only peanuts on it !

Vesper Bell @ 16/1 & 14/1 – National Hunt Chase – Why ? …. Why Not ???????

Rule The World @ 11/1 – Neptune Novices Hurdle – Just Because it was a bigger price than I thought it should be…although I don’t actually fancy it to win …. There’s logic for you !

Edeymi @ 16/1 – Coral Cup – Because the trainer of it loves a gamble and loves to win a big handicap … now only 10/1

Module @ 14/1 – Jewson Novices Chase – It’s a good horse …. And is now only 9/1

Hidden Justice @ 25/1 – Triumph Hurdle – Again, it was too big a price but it needs it to rain to have any chance …. And I hope it doesn’t rain !!!!

Ballycasey @ 5/1 – Albert Bartlett Novices Hurdle – I think this might be the Irish ‘Gamble’ on the Friday, now around 4/1

Taquin Du Seuil @ 16/1 – Albert Bartlett Novices Hurdle – I thought this might run in this race …. It won’t … so another loser before I even get to the festival

Flemenstar  @ 14/1 – Gold Cup – Injured, Poorly, Crocked, Knackered …. However I put it, it’s not going to run …. Errrrmmmm which means another loser !!!

 

So, that’s the lot of them, all my current trusty steeds for the Festival …. I’m pretty sure that there will be one or two minor investments before next Tuesday as I have lots of hours at night to fill with studying horses, reading old newspapers, watching last years races, and the clock is ticking ….. one thing’s for sure, there are only another Seven more sleepless nights until the Festival.

 

Once again, thanks for reading, I’ll post  tomorrow to give you an update of how the ‘MILLION POUND PUNT ‘ selections are getting on in the betting market and will let you know if anything else catches my eye …. But for now … where’s the black coffee !!!

 

twitter –  @grahameletts

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