Short and Sweet Today …. I’ve got to go shopping !!!!
I wish they wouldn’t mess around with dates, because for us blokes who are not very organized it’s a nightmare. What I know is Christmas Day is December 25th, My Birthday is always the same date each year (I’ve not put the actual date just on the off chance that Prince Magumbo from Nigeria might be reading this and gets hold of it then either assumes my identity or floods me with emails trying to trick me out of my millions after the festival !!). Valentines Day is on Feb 14th (and is a con !), My wedding anniversary is on erm errrmmm errrrrrrrmmmmmm … only kidding, July 31st. So why can’t Mothers day be on the same day each year ? I’ve just got used to the fact that the Sunday after Cheltenham is Mothers day, and what have they done this year….only gone and changed it to the Sunday before ….. Why ???
It makes it so much easier when it’s the Sunday after, for the simple fact that I can always buy my dear mother a proper sh*t present. How do I get away with this ?, well the excuse that I gambled and drank all my money the previous week is perfect …here you go mum have a bunch of Texaco Flowers, they’ll last at least until Monday !!! The problem when it falls before Cheltenham is that the ‘War Chest’ is still full and I’ll actually have some money to buy something half decent. Problem number Two – My mum is well into her 60’s, she’s got pretty much everything, in fact she has at least two of everything. She has a birthday like the rest of us, She celebrates Christmas like the rest of us and then we have Mothers Day too ….. How the f*ck am I supposed to come up with something nice and original Three times a year, let alone just on Mothers Day. So I have a real conundrum today, what do you get the mother who has everything ? I don’t want to be trawling the good shops of Leicester all day (I have racing to watch) in the hope I might spot something that she just might not have and that I think she might want…I do that every December (Christmas) and every May (Birthday) …. So can you see my nightmare ahead ?
So I better get my backside into gear and get out searching for that elusive gift for my dear mother that will remind her just what a wonderful son I am (it’s gonna have to be good to convince her of that !!!)
Raining …. Still very worried …. And it’s still going to be cold too next week !
Famous Five Update
The Million Pound Punt Horses have the bookies running scared …. Fact !!!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday saw the bookies shorten up the price of three of the Famous Five. Fruity O’ Rooney is now into a general 10/1 after support during the day. Binocular is now into around 8/1 as rumours were abound that his stable mate and leading fancy Grandouet was a doubt for the race. These were quickly knocked back by his trainer Nicky Henderson, however it meant the bookie chaps shortened most of the other horse in the race, including Binocular. Most surprisingly of all, Get Me Out Of Here is as low as 7/1 with some bookies, but is generally 8/1 after support yesterday too …. This is the one I can’t work out. He is crying out for good, dry ground, however it’s p*ssing it down and the going is likely to be soft. That said, maybe everyone else is realizing that this could just be the dark horse in the race …. Or it could be the Million Pound Punt ‘Disciples’ shoveling on so much money that the bookies are in a blind panic (I feel it may not be the latter !)
As I’ve written this, I’ve had a bolt inspiration about what to buy my mother, something I’ve never bought her before. In fact, this is something that if you love your mother then you should all go out and get her today, it’s perfect … Read on ….
We keep on hearing about how our High Streets are in decline. Once busy, bustling shopping areas are now almost like ghost towns. Shops are closing down and being replaced by either Pound Shops, Charity Shops or Bookies …. So what, I hear you say … Well this is perfect !! …Read on ….
Now I’m sure nobody reading this will be rushing to a Pound Shop to buy your mother the perfect gift as I’m certain she’d be slightly disappointed with a discounted £1 bottle of Cilit Bang or a £1 Packet of Japanese Rice Crackers (do they sell these in Pound Shops … I wouldn’t know as I tend not to frequent such establishments !). I’m sure she’d also be a little annoyed with a second hand 5000 Piece Jigsaw of some famous Constable Painting, which actually only contains 4998 Pieces from the Charity Shop … that is no way to show your mother just how much you love her. So what is the gift that all mothers should have this Mothers day …. Read on …..
Shop number three on the declining High street is the bookies …. You know what’s coming don’t you ! All you have to do, is enter the fine bookie chaps establishment, pick up a blank betting slip, write the following names on the said betting slip – My Tent or Yours, Fruity O’Rooney, Binocular, Empiracle & Get Me Out Of Here, put however much you had allocated for Mothers fine gift down as your stake money and hand it over to the nice person behind the counter (not the leather faced old bag who’ll rob you blind !) ….. Bingo, you now have the perfect gift to give to your mother on this fine celebration of her efforts in bringing you up for all these years, and you don’t need to buy any wrapping paper for it either … What a result !
Your Mother will love you forever after next week (technically she should love you forever now but giving her a fortune on a betting slip will only add to this eternal adoration !!!!)
There you go, sorted …. So I’m off to the local William Hills to purchase the gift of all gifts from the son who just keeps on giving.
Many Thanks for reading again …. The big day is getting closer and closer so please keep on coming back for the updates, and as always feel free to leave a comment or share this with your nearest and dearest (not the mother though – she’ll know where the inspiration for your wonderful gift came from !)