There are some stupid sayings that drive me mad, it’s probably something to do with the fact that as I advance in years I’m becoming a grumpy old b*stard. I reckon in another 10 years or so I’ll be that miserable old sod that the school kids love to wind up just so they get chased by some doddery old f*cker with a walking stick (I’d be 51 in Ten Years time … is 51 too young for a walking stick !). However, whichever idiot invented some of these sayings would get a whack with my walking stick (that’s not rude by the way !) if I ever caught up with them. For example, some of the new sayings like Blue Sky Thinking mean f*ck all……Blue Sky Thinking is just plain and simple Thinking, but just a bit cleverer thinking than someone else, there is bugger all ‘Blue Sky’ about it. Ticks All The Right Boxes is another one …… Stick your boxes up your backside, because without a doubt every time someone says in terms of a horse, ooohhh yes, that one ‘Ticks All The Right Boxes’, the poor nag is doomed. They never win …. So never say it…and especially don’t say it about any of my selections.
The saying that drives me mad more than any other is this stupid ‘Only Seven More Sleeps To Go’ …. Or however many ‘Sleeps’ it is. This is annoying in the run up to Christmas as every sad b*stard out there updates their Facebook or Twitter with soppy sh*t like “Oooooohhh I’m sooooooo excited, only 7 more sleeps ‘til Santa arrives…I just can’t wait” …… F*ck off !!! If you were ‘soooooooooo excited’ you wouldn’t bloody well sleep, so your update should really read “ooooooooooooohhhhh I’m so knackered, I haven’t slept in weeks and I’ve still got another seven insomnia filled nights until fatty beard boy arrives down my chimney” …. Mind you, that wouldn’t squeeze into the 140 characters Twitter allows.
So, how many sleeps to go until Cheltenham …… Well, none, as I’m sooooooooooo knackered, I haven’t slept in weeks and I’ve still got another seven insomnia filled nights until fatty me gets the chance to return to the Cotswalds for the greatest four days of sport on this earth !!!
Yep, for me, I really am like a kid at Christmas, except the excitement tends to start really building about 6 months before the Cheltenham Festival, in October when the jumps racing kicks off properly and you can start forming an opinion on certain horse for the festival. It’s great in October and November because you go to sleep and dream about the festival and you find yourself counting the days down in your head. In December you try and think about the festival in between thinking about what size bird your having for Christmas dinner (!) and whilst trying to avoid kn*b heads updates reminding you how many f*cking sleeps to go. January, you start to really get excited as you tend to move up a gear or two and start investing a few more hard earned pennies…February the insomnia really starts…and then March, well forget it, No Sleep In March, Not A Chance !
Maybe the fact that I’ve got a detailed summary of all my bets blu-tacked to the chest of drawers at the side of my bed for me to look at every night, or maybe it’s because I’ve got the last six months racing post weekenders and various race cards stacked up (not very neatly !) next to the bed, maybe it’s because I’m that excited about the thought of winning a million pounds next week ! Well, it’s all of these, but really it’s down to one thing and one thing only …. It’s because it’s THE Festival, there’s really no need to call it the Cheltenham Festival…there are other festivals in the racing calendar but this is THE FESTIVAL. Not doctor will prescribe you anything to stop Festivalitis, it can’t be cured, and to be honest, I wouldn’t want it to be. The insomnia, the excitement in the build up, the anticipation are all worth it come the Tuesday of THE FESTIVAL.
So, I’m told that one or two of the people who’ve been unfortunate enough to read all my posts so far have backed the 5 selections I’ve mentioned in the hope that they’ll all come in and we’ll all be millionaires. Well I hope we’re all celebrating together, let’s be realistic, it is very unlikely, but then again if you don’t buy a ticket, you ain’t gonna win any raffle !!! Having scanned down the current odds last night, just a simple £1 accumulator on the five would return around £45,000 … not bad for a quid !!!
A word of warning though, if you’re planning on winning a million too on whatever horses you’re backing you need to watch out for these sneaky Bookie chaps. Some of them will have limits on your winnings, just last week I had a bet with Corals which would land about 300k if they all win, however their limit for payout came up as 200k …. So be careful, and if you need to, do what I’ve done and spread your bets around with different bookies. The cheeky buggers will find any way to not pay you out.
So, how much have I spent of my Cheltenham bets so far …… Well, since last November, the princely sum of £297.20 has been invested. Not a massive amount over such a length of time, and for those smokers of you out there … If you smoke 20 a day, since I struck my very first bet you would have spent about £700 on cigarettes, which has all gone up in smoke and all you’ve got to show for it is a bad cough …. I, on the other hand , am sitting on a potential million pounds ….. Whoever said gambling isn’t good for you !!!!
I’ve had some other bets too besides the ones I’ve mentioned, some good, some bad but I’m quite happy with my lot so far …. If every single horse that I’ve backed (and is running) wins, then my whole return comes to £1,403,380 …. And 4p …. Never forget the pennies !!!
If you’re interested, below is a list of other unfortunate animals that my hard earned has been invested in –
The New One @ 25/1 – Supreme Novices Hurdle – It won’t run in that race so I’ve already lost my money on that …. The pitfalls of backing horses ‘ante post’ I’m afraid … if they don’t run, you lose your money !
Jezki @ 4/1 – Supreme Novices Hurdle – I backed it by mistake but it covers me in case My Tent or Yours doesn’t run / win
Overturn @ 8/1 & 7/1 – Arkle – Only small stakes but is now around 11/4
Cinders & Ashes @ 16/1 – Champion Hurdle – Speculative last November, again only peanuts on it !
Vesper Bell @ 16/1 & 14/1 – National Hunt Chase – Why ? …. Why Not ???????
Rule The World @ 11/1 – Neptune Novices Hurdle – Just Because it was a bigger price than I thought it should be…although I don’t actually fancy it to win …. There’s logic for you !
Edeymi @ 16/1 – Coral Cup – Because the trainer of it loves a gamble and loves to win a big handicap … now only 10/1
Module @ 14/1 – Jewson Novices Chase – It’s a good horse …. And is now only 9/1
Hidden Justice @ 25/1 – Triumph Hurdle – Again, it was too big a price but it needs it to rain to have any chance …. And I hope it doesn’t rain !!!!
Ballycasey @ 5/1 – Albert Bartlett Novices Hurdle – I think this might be the Irish ‘Gamble’ on the Friday, now around 4/1
Taquin Du Seuil @ 16/1 – Albert Bartlett Novices Hurdle – I thought this might run in this race …. It won’t … so another loser before I even get to the festival
Flemenstar @ 14/1 – Gold Cup – Injured, Poorly, Crocked, Knackered …. However I put it, it’s not going to run …. Errrrmmmm which means another loser !!!
So, that’s the lot of them, all my current trusty steeds for the Festival …. I’m pretty sure that there will be one or two minor investments before next Tuesday as I have lots of hours at night to fill with studying horses, reading old newspapers, watching last years races, and the clock is ticking ….. one thing’s for sure, there are only another Seven more sleepless nights until the Festival.
Once again, thanks for reading, I’ll post tomorrow to give you an update of how the ‘MILLION POUND PUNT ‘ selections are getting on in the betting market and will let you know if anything else catches my eye …. But for now … where’s the black coffee !!!
twitter – @grahameletts